Communication can both prevent and solve many relationship and dating problems. A healthy relationship helps you maximize your potential when you’re with the right person, so although its significance has become diminished in modern times because of a few reasons, I still believe it’s something everyone should strive to find. When you meet a person of interest, one of the first things you two should discuss is what you’re currently looking for – though this may sound like common sense, it’s rarer than we realize. Some people feel the conversation is “too thirsty” and believe they’ll be perceived as desperate, but the truth is, it’s key to protecting your spirit and the heart of the person you’re seeing while allowing everyone the space they need on their journey. You will hear a lot more no’s as you communicate what you want than you will if you avoid the conversation or remain/appear undecided about it, but when you find your match, it makes all the no’s worth it.

Every situationship has the potential to produce another life. The longer you’re around someone, and the more time you spend with them, the more comfortable you get and the more likely you are to make a mistake, even when people are careful. Depending on how often people communicate, it also ties up your energy with someone else. However, one big mistake people make is seeing one thing that they know disqualifies the person, but continue doing relationship things with them out of loneliness or boredom. If intentions and goals are not expressed, the person you’re seeing won’t be able to know if they already meet, or are interested in meeting, your requirements, or if they’re with someone who wants something completely different from them.

I am now 6 months into a committed relationship after being single for about half a year, and though it is early and moved quickly, I can honestly say I’ve never romantically loved a woman as much as my current partner – co-founder of this blog – Diamond. Dating is tricky for me as I have particularly unique requirements because I am 98% vegan, though technically still vegetarian, and was not interested in dating someone who would not be open to living a mostly, if not wholly, vegan lifestyle. I didn’t make a strict requirement that I would not date omnivores, but I explained to every woman I dated early on that the woman I settled down with would eventually need to meet that requirement.

I experienced plenty of ‘no’s’ along the way and came very close to meeting people who were only missing one or two of the qualities I required. I had some great times with wonderful women who I wish the best, but I did not leave a trail of broken hearts or babies, and when I met the woman of my dreams, there were no distractions throwing me off. I didn’t bend on my non-negotiables:

• Vegan (or mostly vegan) lifestyle and prioritized staying healthy.
• Someone who believes in God/a higher power but is tolerant of all views.
• Someone whose income matches their lifestyle.
• Someone without kids (since I don’t have any).
• Someone with a good heart. 

Though I have my preferences and desires on other items, those were the building blocks I felt were needed for me to build a life with someone, and the vegan lifestyle was often the biggest roadblock. Still, it was non-negotiable because living with and dating someone on a completely different diet is impractical in a world where buying in bulk saves money. I believe consenting adults can choose to eat however they want (though I would encourage them to ditch all animal products), but intend on raising my family vegan so if my wife was not interested in the lifestyle it would create endless arguments once we cross that bridge. Veganism is a core belief I intend to instill in my family because of the effect it has on an individual’s health, the planet, and what I believe it could do for human consciousness so at this point it’s one of my core values. Finally, there are several sexual, anti-aging, and physical impacts it has that I want to enjoy with the person I’ll be exchanging bodily fluids and growing old with.

The danger of making your list of non-negotiables too expansive is that nobody is perfect, and often times being open gets you the best experiences in life. Additionally, you should ask yourself what you bring to the table and figure out if you will likely meet the requirements of the kind of person you see yourself with. If you do not yet, you should be spending your time and energy getting more aligned with what you claim to want so you don’t block your blessings when they arrive. You want to constantly look at that list and adjust it as you grow, if necessary, while making sure the items on it lead you to the kind of life you ultimately want. Finally, remember babies and certain STDs are permanent – so be decisive once you communicate, and when you find the right one – don’t waste any time.