One of the steadiest dogmas of modern history has been two people in a relationship. I am not here to judge, but love has been linked closely to overall happiness, so it’s worth discussing different points of view if only to play devil’s advocate and challenge preconceived notions. I believe the best way to experience love is through God (though I do not claim any religion nor attend church) and a tight-knit family unit. Though there are many reasons depression is on the rise, the breakdown of relationships (“Family dysfunction and depression are strongly associated” (2)) and financial pressures making raising a family more difficult for many young and working-class people may be contributing to that societal shift in mental health.
“Economic indicators such as material assets, unsecured debt, financial hardship, and subjective measures of financial stress are relatively strong and persistent predictors of depressive symptoms…” (3). On top of the direct distress it causes the person, mental health issues can destroy professional, romantic, platonic, and familial relationships – raising the likelihood of the depressed individual getting caught in a downward spiral. Feeling loved and being romantically satisfied contributes to preventing depression, and avoiding that can help you avert the previously mentioned downward spiral.
Once upon a time, a man could support an entire family on a middle-class salary; now, both parents of most middle-class families have to work to survive barely, and often, one or both parents have multiple jobs, leaving very little time to raise children. One person can make it on their own; it’s easier when two people combine incomes, so hypothetically speaking, if another person they were both attracted to and aligned with wanted to build a life with them, that could also make it easier for everyone to achieve financial goals. In my opinion, a divine masculine soul can grow, thrive and form a tight-knit family unit with two feminine souls if they get along well. Feminine energy is usually more comfortable being led, so it would seem more difficult for two masculine souls to coexist in a successful closed-triad.
Recently, some people have been experimenting with the idea of polyamory – which is defined as the practice of engaging in multiple romantic (and typically sexual) relationships with the consent of all the people involved. It has many forms, most of which won’t be discussed here – one notable difference being open versus closed relationships. I would not judge anyone for how they choose to love as long as all parties are informed and consenting; however, in my opinion, open relationships present several evident problems to attaining happiness. One of these problems is splitting your time between multiple partners, creating room for jealousy, which may rare its head early on or later and cause mental health issues if suppressed. A closed triad where all parties spend time with and love each other minimizes that risk.
Another potential problem with open relationships is dating is expensive. People often spend more money on dates early on in relationships, so if you are rotating new people without really staying close to the same people, you will likely spend more dating. If you are not living with your partners, there are more overall expenses since everyone involved may not enjoy the benefits of splitting bills. These financial consequences impact your current quality of life and how much money you can set aside for your children. If children are involved and meet new partners in an open relationship, this could cause them to see relationships as temporary and impact their development – numerous studies have shown humans are lonelier than ever, and part of that is likely due to us having fewer long-term friends and relationships, which are the most fulfilling relationships.
Also, suppose you believe sex is a sacred act that involves energy exchange, as I do. In that case, one person having sex with outside people affects everyone in the relationship since it impacts that person’s energy. Open relationships maximize the likelihood of bad energy being brought in. Relationships take time – if you are constantly dating new people or making time for separate relationships, this leaves little time for personal growth and development, positively impacting the world and spending time with your children. Every person added to a relationship has the potential to transfer STDs and place the health of everyone at risk. Finally, every person you have a romantic relationship with has the potential to hurt you and cheat on you. Though this list is not exhaustive, these are some reasons why I do not believe open relationships are a good idea.
Research consistently points to two-parent households being better for raising children than single-parent households. Most people with kids will tell you raising kids is the most important part of their life; their love for their children is unmatched compared to their other relationships, and watching them grow while getting that love reciprocated is a significant source of joy. However, as the world becomes more open and accepting, it is apparent many people are suppressing urges of attraction to the same sex, and data shows this is more prominent amongst women. It is also known that in most cases, sex drives are higher for men than for women, and men who eat well and stay in shape often maintain their sex drive as they age.
Though not enough data exists to complete a study on how a closed triad impacts raising children, logically thinking, there are several ways a closed triad (where three consenting adults agree to join the same relationship without any outside partners) seems like it could attain the best of both worlds between monogamy and polygamy and improve on the benefits of monogamy while avoiding some of the problems with polygamy. Aside from the previously mentioned financial benefits, a closed triad means each person has additional potential emotional support, there is a potential mediator in arguments, and there’s one more person to share household and child-rearing responsibilities with.
There are two forms these relationships usually take – a male-female-female (MFF) relationship or a female-male-female (FMF) relationship. The distinction between them hinges on the bisexuality of the female partners – when the male (M) is in the middle, the women don’t interact since the two females (Fs) don’t touch. In the FMF scenario, most cases involve the women still becoming close friends and forming a “sister-wife” relationship where they, too, acknowledge each other as a family but do not have sex. With many women opening up more about being attracted to other women, a MFF closed triad allows them to experience the best of both worlds if a relationship forms where all people are attracted to each other.
However, for all the positives, there are still potential problems one must grapple with while considering this lifestyle. Some people cannot maintain a healthy monogamous relationship where both partners feel valued and appreciated – in this case, adding another person could exasperate the feelings of neglect as the other partner now has to split their time. Jealousy could become a factor, though if all three have feelings for each other and spend time with each other individually and as a group, the likelihood of it happening will be minimized. Conversely, it could also mean the person feels more valued as another person will now interact with and provide them with love.
The people involved will need to have thick skin since people, in general, may judge new and different things they haven’t seen before – women involved may be at risk of bullying, likely from other women. This judgment could impact personal relationships, or in a worst-case scenario, it might impact professional relationships if you have a job that involves bringing your family to major events (like public office or high-level executives, where spouses may interact and social networks often intertwine with professional ones).
“An analysis of results of 211 studies on sex drive found that men, on average, have a substantially stronger sex drive than women. Men more often think and fantasize about sex, more often experience sexual feelings, and more often engage in masturbation compared to women.” (1) Men not getting enough sex in a relationship can lead to frustration, impacting the relationship’s quality time if one partner is harboring these feelings. A closed-triad or throuple, reduces pressure on one woman to satisfy a man who likely has a much higher libido than she does. Overall, in my opinion, if you have a situation where all three individuals are equally yoked and aligned in their goals, the benefits can outweigh the potential costs.
Sources
1) “Huge study finds men have a stronger sex drive than women”. Hedrih, Vladimir (2/20/2023). PsyPost.org
https://www.psypost.org/2023/02/huge-study-finds-men-have-a-stronger-sex-drive-than-women-68289#:~:text=An%20analysis%20of%20results%20of,in%20masturbation%20compared%20to%20women.
2) “Association between Family Functionality and Depression: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis”. Guerro-Munoz, Daniel (6/10/2020). National Institute of Health.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8010447/
3) “Financial stress and depression in adults: A systematic review”. Guan, Naijie. National Institute of Health.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8863240/
